


Talk To Me

by evening_spirit



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Episode Related, Episode: s06e01 - The Longest Night, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-09
Updated: 2011-06-09
Packaged: 2017-10-20 06:52:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/209942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evening_spirit/pseuds/evening_spirit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times the team members expressed their concern for Derek and one time they didn't. Set after "The Longest Night".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talk To Me

**Disclaimer:**  Do not own, no profit gained.

 

\---

 **Talk to Me**

\---

 **Prentiss**

She would sit beside him, maybe clap his thigh. Then she'd smile that tight-lipped smile.

"We did it," she'd say. "We changed things for the better."

"Did we?" he'd respond and she wouldn't judge. She would let him have his doubts.

Maybe they wouldn't talk at all. He knows he wouldn't want to talk and maybe she'd understand.

Or maybe she'd push him.

"What I said earlier, about it not being fair that you had to promise . . ."

"Don't . . ." he would really  _not_  want to talk.

"Derek, listen to me. This makes you involved. Makes you lose perspective. You basically promise the impossible; we never tell the families that we'll find the offender even if we rip our intestines out to do so. We know sometimes we may not be good enough. That's what they teach us, right? We never promise. Spicer was a policeman, he should have known."

"If it was your child, wouldn't you want to make someone feel involved? What would be more important, saving your child or some stranger's comfort?"

"What worries me, is that your comfort is not important to you."

No. She wouldn't say that. But it would be nice to know that she cares.

 

 **Rossi**

Rossi is the wise guy. He had seen more than any of them. He often has a good advice.

"What's bothering you?" he would ask because he knows that asking, that making the other talk is the best way.

Derek knows that too, he trains it often enough on others but he'd pretend he doesn't understand.

"You know what's bothering me."

"Actually," Rossi would speak slowly. "I don't. There could be many things. I want you to tell me."

"What if I don't wanna tell?"

"That's your right. But what good will that do? You'll sit here brooding. Derek I get that you don't want to talk, you never really do. Those cases get to each and every one of us but you rarely share how they affect you."

"I have other ways of blowing off steam."

"I know. I do too. This time though, it's not just steam. Derek, we can all see you're not acting like yourself. Talk to me, tell me what was the worst of it. Just . . . say it."

Derek thinks he would say. He doesn't know what, he can't really bring himself to think about it but if Rossi came to him and asked him and just sat there, listening, he would maybe open up and tell. He would later regret it, because maybe he would break down and cry, or scream, or say something unpleasant but he would talk. Part of him wants to talk.

 

 **JJ**

JJ wouldn't come to talk to him. God knows they don't really communicate on the same wavelength. But she'd maybe offer a coffee or a painkiller for his headache. A big sister. And that would help too, that would help a lot.

 

 **Hotch**

Hotch wouldn't sit next to him. No, he would sit opposite from him and he would be so stern, so serious.

"I want you to know that I understand," he'd say. Oh, Derek wouldn't want that conversation at all, because Hotch is the only one on the team who  _knows_. They'd never talked about this, even though Hotch tried, all those years ago, right after Derek had returned from Chicago. He shunned the man out so quickly and so effectively that he'd never tried again. But he's a profiler and from then on, every case involving kids, especially if there was rape involved, Derek could feel him watching. If anyone would really understand the extent in which Ellie's kidnaping by that monster touched Derek, it would be Hotch.

And there he feels guilty again because how can he compare Buford, even if it was for years, to what this little one went through. Or the father's death, even if his eventaully led to Buford, there's no comparing his history to the horror which unfolded for Ellie in the span of just one day. Derek knows that. Still, he can't stop comparing. He can't stop feeling like they are somehow connected.

Derek believes Hotch wouldn't say more than that he understands. Hotch's not big on words, silent understanding is what they do best, both of them. If he would want more talking, it would have to be on Derek's part. He would have to apologize. What he said, "we had your back; this one's mine," it could have been misunderstood. Hotch went into a situation like that, alone with an Unsub, twice - first time just a couple of weeks after his ordeal, and then - with Foyet. Derek isn't sure which one he was talking about, really. At that moment all he thought about was to kill Billy Flynn. In cold blood. Now, he wants to believe that he meant the Darren case, not Foyet but he really can't know how Hotch understood this.

He knows he'll have to have this conversation eventually. At least the part where he apologizes.

 

 **Reid**

The kid would be awkward. But then, when Reid isn't awkward? Derek smiles at the thought of him. He wouldn't spout statistics. Or maybe he would? One can't really tell what makes Reid's social skills kick in and what doesn't.

Maybe he would tell him how many children in foster care turn out to be good people, how many of them are rised by decent families. Maybe Derek would want to hear that.

Or perhaps Reid would talk about something completely random, maybe he'd tell a silly joke and laugh while nobody else laugs. Derek would laugh with him, God how he would laugh!

Or maybe they would play poker and Reid would let him win, just this once, because he would think it matters to Derek and he would want to make him feel good for just a moment, not realizing how irrelevant poker game is. Or maybe he wouldn't let him win, fearing that it would hurt Derek to be pampered. Or maybe he wouldn't want to play because he wouldn't know if he should let Derek win, or not. He would feel lost, he would sit beside him and rip at his sleeve and Derek would have to ask him what's on his mind and Reid would talk how uncomfortable he feels and how sorry and how this whole case messed up with his head. Derek would listen to him and he would comfort him because that's what he does, that's what makes him feel strong and needed. He needs to feel needed . . .

 

\---

 

The thing is, none of this happened. Derek had been cleared for flight twenty four hours after the case and all of them had been back in D.C. for over a day by then. Hotch called, of course. He asked how soon Derek would be back in the field. He'd had concussion, he said. He'd have to be re-evaluated, maybe in a week if the symptoms subside.

He decided to stay a couple more days in LA, check up on Ellie. She's got no one now and he'd promised she'd be safe. He promised it to her again, that if she'd ever need someone to talk to, or if someone treated her bad, that he would always be there. He got her a cell-phone he would be paying for, had that number on his speed-dial and had his number on hers. He talked to her, he talked to Kurzbard and then he left with a heavy heart. A phonecall every once in a while is not nearly enough.

Now, he sits on a plane to D.C. and his head is pounding. The doctors said it could happen for a while, that the flights might be uncomfortable. He longs for that painkiller from JJ, or for that awkward conversation with Reid to take his thoughts off his own pain. In a couple of hours he will be back home and he thinks, maybe, if they are not out on the case, he will drop by BAU and maybe he will at least see them, maybe he will apologize to Hotch.

Sounds like a plan. He hopes Hotch will listen.

 

\---

.end

 


End file.
